she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
