there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
