Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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