Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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