i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
