the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
smell my finger.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
