I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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