he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
