you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
