So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
