No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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