My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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