One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
