you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
