The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
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Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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