Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
