A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
