well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found puke in my bra..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
