I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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