I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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