she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
