we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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