My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
