like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
