6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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