She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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