New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
