Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can text with my tongue
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
