We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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