Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize