North Korea, Best Korea!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
