And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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