Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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