the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
