idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
