i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
