is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
