Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
