dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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