I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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