I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
