I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
