If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
