dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
