you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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