Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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