How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
