FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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