I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
