Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
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I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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