We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
