Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have post one night stand depression
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
