your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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