bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
