I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I understand Curling. That high.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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