I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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