Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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