a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
