Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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