He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
