Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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