My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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