It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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