My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
