We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
