Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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