You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
