my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
