youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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