DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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