My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
