yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
