exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
