ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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