why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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