I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
