Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
