Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
