you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
