Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
