Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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